Vessa dove into the ocean of numbers as a way to reassure herself. When her mind snapped back, she just lay on the bed, trying to catch her bearings. The world wouldn’t stop moving. Orange still pervaded her mouth and smoke her nose. Her headache caused by the Umbaan rep worsened.

  She just laid still, waiting for the pain to subside.

  She couldn’t get any ideas on what the next steps forward should be. Vessa didn’t even know if there were steps forward. Ones that led to her not being so tortured that her personality changed completely.

  She stared up at the ceiling. The Umbaan was no better than her people. The taste of oranges, smell of smoke and pounding headache proved as much. Even if they were better, they weren’t very likely to be able to hide her.

  The Empire? Vessa didn’t know how much they knew, but it probably wasn’t much. Which meant what? Going back. Telling Castillo she was captured, but she’d escaped. That the Umbaan was trying to bribe her away, and then what? Even if he bought that, she was still screwed.

  Now that she’d killed one kid, they’d have her kill them on the regular.

  Vessa threw herself into the ocean of numbers again. A planet full of numbers. The planet that she’d killed a child on. Its numbers slammed into her as a rebuke, and Vessa pulled away before her mind snapped back. Staying in the emptiness of space, trying not to think. There didn’t seem to be any good options before her.

  She could run. Run where? Past the Divide? If it didn’t kill her…. then it likely wouldn’t kill any other number assassin which still left her at square one.

  Vessa took a deep breath. Then another and another. Tears came to her eyes, and she was sobbing. She couldn’t work herself up to being okay about going back. She couldn’t find an excuse in her mind that would allow her to kill an endless amount of children.

  The only thing she could think of was running away and then refusing to kill any children when they caught her, hoping they tortured her so badly she no longer cared.

  The sobs got harder at that point. She hugged herself and wished for another option. One didn’t have excruciating pain and the killing of children.

  When the crying stopped, Vessa lay there wondering what had become of her. She didn’t cry like this. She was the emotionless, well-trained assassin. Who completed a mission even if the target was begging for their life.

  This had all started at the Pantry, where she had deviated from the assignment, but the numbers had been so terrible. She couldn’t see herself making another decision. Now with the knowledge of how the Pantry worked, Vessa couldn’t stomach the idea of regret. The idea of having not done anything but rescuing the child was too horrible.

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  Vessa paused at the thought, feeling beyond fragile as the Wisher boy’s face came to mind. His trust in her was so complete he fell asleep as fighting raged around him. Vessa lifted her hands and looked at them. There wasn’t any blood. There usually wasn’t. Vessa stared at her arms. She didn’t know how to hold both children.

  The boy she’d saved and the girl she’d killed.

  Vessa shook her head against the pillow, her headache complaining as she pushed both of them away.

  How was she getting out? What she going to do?

  Vessa sat up, feeling faint and rested her back on the wall her bed was up against as she stared across at the blank wall with no door. Right at the middle. Where she knew the door was, even though she couldn’t find any signs of it.

  If she was going with the escape plan, how would she even do it?

  Kill everyone? That wouldn’t open the door. Wait until she was out of this room and then kill her guard? Assuming she wasn’t restrained, which wasn’t very likely. That left a lot of people to kill and her as the likely subject.

  Except, they already knew she could kill people without touching, so even killing everyone while in the cell wouldn’t work.

  Vessa looked at her wrist where her bracelet had been. Without it she was trapped.

  She could give the Umbaan rep what he wanted, but they would likely keep her in similar conditions.

  Vessa closed her eyes as the feeling of helplessness settled in. She was fucked. There was no path to take. No actions that fixed the mess she created for herself. Nothing she could do but wait on others to make decisions and hope that gave her an opening.

  She breathed in and out. Her mind resting in the emptiness of space in between the numbers of the ship and those of the planet, as the taste of oranges and the smell of smoke faded. Her headache refusing to budge.

  All she could do was wait.

  Vessa laughed, opening her eyes.

  She had never thought that she could be this helpless, especially not by those who couldn’t even use magic, but here she was. Vessa was like Ensald, only instead of protecting a child even in the horrible conditions of the Pantry. Vessa was alone after killing one.

  She closed her eyes again, tears rolling down her face. There was an escape. Change the numbers from being outward to inward and end it all.

  She banged her head against the wall worsening her headache.

  Her eyes stinging from the amount of tears she’d cried. Vessa grasped her arms and breathed in and out, trying to make the emptiness of space her entire being. When she couldn’t do that, she started the child’s rhyme again.

  The star is in the wishing well

  The wishing well

  Down within its depths

  In its depths

  In its depths