Chapter Eighteen (Part One)

  The corridor was filled with the cacophony of singing, making my head spin. Between the opening and closing of doors, the voices from each private room floated out, blending together in a maddening mixture, like an eerie melody piercing my ears. They say that coming to KTV after work can help people relax. It seems that this relaxation must be achieved through indulgence, truly, to relax, one must first indulge, and to indulge, one only needs to relax.

  I thought tonight was already dramatic enough, but as I turned a corner, Lin Qiao's tall figure appeared, telling me that "good fortune often follows bad" and "extreme joy begets sorrow" are eternal truths. Life is full of twists and turns, and the story may not be over yet.

  I had a premonition that something was going to happen, because the place where Lin Qiao was standing was a necessary passageway for the return package. It's impossible to avoid it even if I wanted to take a detour, what a major design flaw. He just stood there, quietly staring at me. I quickly turned my head and looked back, finding no one else, confirming that he was indeed staring at me.

  A sudden crisp sound of a glassware falling to the ground came amidst the noisy music. Lowering my head to take a look, I found that it was a small flower vase on the passageway for decoration that had been accidentally knocked over in the process of walking. I was completely unaware of it, but it fell with a crash and shattered into pieces, obviously not intentionally done by me.

  I stared blankly at the shattered remains of the vase in front of me, feeling that this was not going to end well. Sure enough, a service staff member who looked like a delicate flower suddenly appeared out of nowhere, sizing me up from head to toe, and flashed a professional smile: "Miss, according to our store's policy, you need to compensate for damaging public property. This vase costs 3,000 yuan; would you like to pay in cash or by credit card?"

  My head suddenly went numb, and I quickly picked up her words to smile: "You see, I don't have that much money on me. How about this? I'll clean up here and reduce your service costs. I'll leave my ID as collateral and come back to buy an identical one to compensate?" Lin Qiao was still standing not far away, watching with his hands in his pockets. He was the boy I liked since I was young and didn't know what dignity was, and even back then, I wanted to save face in front of him. Years later, today, in this moment when I had no dignity at all, running into him watching me with a smirk on his face made my feelings complicated. But it was only complicated for an instant. I immediately thought that although this action was a bit embarrassing, it might be possible to negotiate the compensation from 3,000 to 300 yuan, and my heart suddenly felt at ease. That vase wouldn't cost more than 300 yuan in a wholesale market. By comparing the prices of the fruits here with those outside, you could easily figure out the price of the vase by dividing it by a certain multiplier.

  The waiter looked me up and down again, his professional smile faltering, furrowing his brow to say: "Then you wait a minute, I'll go ask our manager." He then quickly ran off with small steps.

  The door to the private room next door suddenly opened, and music floated out. Lin Qiao didn't turn around, standing with his side against the wall, wearing a shirt and brown sweater, looking down at me with an air of elegance. I liked him back then, it was his profile in the sunlight that I first fell for, although handsome, in this chaotic era where women were more masculine than men and men were more feminine than women, he was refreshingly not effeminate. A male voice hummed "In my heart, thousands of times of practice, thousands of times of relentless rehearsal, only to find it's too late, I'm sorry, I love you, without you I'd suffocate". I sighed and squatted down to pick up the broken glass, who can't breathe without whom? The correct answer is that humans can't breathe without air.

  Lin Qiao walked up to me, I looked up at him, after a while, he said: "You've changed a lot. I remember that you used to be someone who didn't care about anything, your motto was 'I'd rather die than bow my head for five pecks of rice'."

  A careless cut from the glass, a drop of blood seeped out, he saw it at a glance, squatted down and grasped my fingers, I instinctively struggled, his hand tightened, suddenly said: "What's this?" His gaze lingered on an arched scar on my wrist, which was exactly the knife mark left from that year's attempted suicide.

  He studied medicine, and the scar on my wrist was still intact, too easy to recognize. Before I could even respond, he had already figured out the answer on his own, slowly raising his head to look at me: "Yan Song, you've attempted suicide before." I thought this was a statement that didn't require an answer, and continued trying to pull my hand back. But he suddenly became fierce, grabbing me and pinning me against the wall, his voice trembling: "For five years, I've been searching for you. You told me you were doing well, you said you were doing well... how could you try to kill yourself?"

  I've never seen him like this, the situation was completely out of control, I was suffocated by him and could hardly breathe, but I managed to hear the last question. This question deeply stimulated me, and the fact that I attempted suicide is the second thing I least want to recall and face from my past, although it was unsuccessful, but I feel that when the knife went down, I still killed a part of myself. Although most people's edges will eventually be ground smooth without exception, regardless of whether they had made grand vows in their youth, such as "I would not bow for five bushels of rice", other people's edges are smoothed by society, they are authentic products, while mine was completely ground smooth by myself with a knife, it's a counterfeit product with limited shelf life and obvious side effects. But at that time, I really had no choice. I looked at the wall lamps in the corridor and said: "Don't think I'm doing this for love or emotions, my mom is in prison, my grandma is seriously ill, I don't have any books to read, we're out of money, not even five bushels of rice, if I didn't attempt suicide, I would only end up falling into prostitution, you see, I couldn't go on either... Who would still want to commit suicide if they could just make their life slightly better?" I thought again in my heart and realized this sentence wasn't right, it didn't have universal applicability. Just as I was about to change it to "Who would still want to commit suicide if they could just make their life slightly better, normally?", I was shocked by Lin Qiao's expression.

  He furrowed his brow, his face pale, as if I had hurt him or he was being harmed by acute appendicitis and gastric perforation... In short, that usual carefree expression was very... not carefree.

  I was startled by him and forgot the action in my hand, I don't know if it's because of the light, but I feel like this person has suddenly become a stranger. He held my face, slightly trembling: "I've been looking for you, I've also been waiting for you at the original place, you didn't let me find you, and you didn't come to find me."

  I was speechless and stunned for a while: "We're just friends, but something like that happened, I thought our friendship had already come to an end. Whether you came to find me or I went to find you, it's all unreasonable, don't you think?"

  He suddenly laughed and buried his head in my shoulder: "After going through so much, do you still think we're just friends? Don't you know how I feel about you..."

  My heart skipped a beat, I had a premonition that this would be an extremely important sentence.

  Generally speaking, for dramatic conflict, whether it's a romance or martial arts, important lines like this are never fully expressed at once. Either the speaker is suddenly assassinated, or the listener is suddenly assassinated. At this moment, Lin Qiao and I were safe and sound, but he still couldn't finish his sentence. The reason was simple - he was interrupted by the sudden appearance of Han Meimei... I think this also conforms to creative rules...

  In accordance with the creative law, Han Meimei stood silently two meters away, biting her lip, afraid of startling something, and said softly: "Lin Qiao, the doctor said you are not in good health, don't get too excited."

  This sentence was like a zombie talisman, stuck on Lin Qiao's body. He leaned against my shoulder for a moment, then slowly raised his head. And my chest felt like a ball of fire rushing in, hot and suffocating.

  Talking halfway and holding back is as unbearable as going to the toilet halfway and holding back. I insisted on asking a ultimate question: "What do you think of me?" In fact, I had already guessed what he wanted to say, but the imagined answer was too stimulating for me, and I couldn't accept it for a while.

  He moved gently, released me, opened his mouth, but made no sound.

  I looked into his eyes and suddenly had an inspiration, I said: "Lin Qiao, do you like me?"

  As soon as the sentence fell, everyone was startled, and I was also startled. Han Meimei was the first to react, excitedly retorting: "Yan Song, don't spout blood from your mouth." Her idiom was used very unsuccessfully, but I suddenly calmed down.

  Lin Qiao remained silent, pursing his lips, his entire body tense, but his expression was as fragile as a sandcastle, as if my words had hurt him. After a long time, he slowly smiled, his face pale and bloodless, his smile cold and pale. He took two steps back and said faintly, "I don't like you, I've never liked you, how could you think that."

  It's been too long since I came out of the private room, and suddenly I feel chilled to the bone. The soft light is warm but lacks temperature. Luckily, this answer makes sense. Otherwise, I would have spent five or six years turning around in circles, getting myself into such a mess. What was I doing? I looked at the lights pouring down and said, "Hmm, it's better this way. You see, you've always wanted to talk to me, but I had knots in my heart and avoided you. Actually, I still have knots now, but today we've already talked about this place, so let's just clear everything up at once. That day, you chased after Su Qi, and everyone said it was my fault. Your mom told me to kneel down in front of Su Qi's bed. Later, I knelt down under their building for two days. As for you and Su Qi, I can't simply say whether I hate or don't hate you both. When I tried to kill myself back then, I thought that although these were my mistakes, it would have been better if I hadn't met you. Really, it would have been better if we had never met from the start. I wanted to forget about past things and live a good life, but it's not possible. It's because every ten days or half a month, I can see you once, so you should also forget about past things and live a good life. Let's both be careful in the future, for each other's sake, and never meet again."

  He looked at me, his eyes were really beautiful, he just looked at me like that, I thought maybe this life would be just one glance, and also looked at him. He suddenly started coughing violently, Han Meimei hurried over to hold him. After thinking for a moment, I said: "God bless, never see again, Lin Qiao." He stopped coughing, covering his eyes with his hand, after a while, he said: "Good, never see again, Yan Song."

  But I overlooked one thing, this Song City in pursuit of... a dreamy feeling, the corridors on both sides are all installed with glass walls. After finishing this sentence and turning around to look up, I immediately met him again, who was printed on the glass. I also said God bless me, and I have to say that God is really hurting me.

  I was dazed, and he suddenly rushed to my side, tightly embracing me before I could take another step. His head buried in my shoulder, slowly, the warmth of his breath moistened my skin, leaving me blank-minded and clueless about what was happening. He didn't like me, his girlfriend was standing right behind us, so why did he hug me? After a long while, I finally realized that it was probably to commemorate our deceased friendship, and he was momentarily melancholic. In the midst of Han Meimei's shocked, angry, and pale face, he finally let go of me, but seemed like there were words stuck in his throat that he couldn't say out loud, and indeed, nothing was said. He turned around and left, taking big strides as if it were many years ago, when he would forever walk ahead with Su Qi in the evening, leaving me with a silhouette reflecting the sunlight.

  I think that absurd youth, will one day fall in the depths of memory, just like a maiden will eventually become a mature woman, and half of these mature women will give birth to maidens again. This is biological law, not to be shaken, and it will certainly become reality. And the most primitive and brutal biological laws often override all social norms.