Nil

  I was now apparently engaged to Luna, which was an interesting piece of information to wake up to. Currently, I was nestling into her while my body utterly refused to move how I wanted; my body was so sore and barely could move once I woke up. It increased by such a vast amount it was mind boggling; what caused it? I tried moving my a little to gauge the sheer amount it had improved by. My was acting a bit funny while I looked around, seeing odd little trails and paths around anything that moved. Luna was warm as we relaxed in my room, both a bit flustered from the topic we just discussed. It would be difficult to go shopping for one or put effort into finding one with how my body was not cooperating.

  My mind was alternating between thinking about Luna and me and how my and felt like they grew way more than they should’ve.I shoved that thought aside, trying to avoid thinking about it. Luna stroked my hair a bit more which eased my thoughts. I felt myself smile as I thought about it, thinking of being engaged to Luna. I wanted to put my arms around her and hug her close while nuzzling her over and over again. I really wanted to but my body utterly refused to cooperate with that desire. Luna was gently tracing along my horns which sent tingles cascading down my spine. What did I want to say when I properly proposed?

  “Don’t rush it Nil. Take your time.” Luna told me softly.

  “What do you mean by that?” I asked while settling down into her a bit more.

  “You’re making your thinking and planning face. I would rather you wait, at least a little bit.” Luna informed me. Her voice sounded a bit sad at the end.

  “So we’re not in a time of grief?” I grumbled. My voice was still a bit shaky, but I didn’t think that it would go away anytime soon.

  “Correct.” Luna confirmed, her hand slowing down a little as she stroked my hair.

  “I understand.” I sighed.

  “I… I just… don’t want you to try and put on a happy face when I know you’re grieving.” Luna said in a quiet voice, sounding a bit crushed.

  “It’s not trying when it’s you.” I admitted, leaning on her a little more.

  “I know, Nil. I also know you’re hurting, physically and mentally, and likely trying to find something to distract yourself from the pain.” Luna lectured me gently.

  “That’s fair.” I replied, trying not to sound bitter or annoyed.

  “I’m sorry you’re going through this Nil, but… I am unsure of how to phrase this… but… I want to alleviate and comfort your pain, not hide you from it.” Luna stated with a guilty tone to her voice.

  “Why?” I snapped. I hated myself after because Luna was clearly trying to help me. She let out a soft sigh as she adjusted me from laying with my head in her lap to positioned just under hers, hugging me tight.

  “Because I know how that ends, and I don’t want to see it. I love this you; I don’t want to see you get scarred and hurt piece by piece to where even if we win you are the bitter and hateful demon after that everyone was terrified of.” Luna lamented with tears falling onto my head.

  “That won’t be me, I promise.” I assured Luna, leaning more into her.

  “Please deal with and process your grief. I really don’t want to see it consume you.” Luna cried while burying her head between my horns. I could feel her lightly shaking too.

  “It just hurts when I think about it.” I told her.

  “I feel awful for asking this of you but I just… just… really don’t want to see you destroyed by the grief. I don’t know what to say to make it better, or how to help, or really what I should be doing to try and move forward. I’m sick of feeling like a bystander to life and fate, and the times I have a slimmer of being able to help I struggle so much.” Luna rambled, hugging me tight as she kept crying.

  “You do make me feel better. You are more helpful than you realize.” I replied. Despite the topic, her words were making me feel a small warmth.

  “I’m glad.” Luna sniffled as she maintained her tighter grip on me.

  “Can I admit something that might make me sound awful?” I probed. For some reason, the feeling she would judge me harshly for it wasn’t there. I knew Luna was safe to talk to.

  “Of course. You can tell me anything Nil.” Luna replied with no hesitation, which made me feel better.

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  “Does it make me a bad person if when we were talking a few moments ago, I wished it had been Grisbane instead of Papa?” I checked, unsure how to feel about that thought.

  “I think it is you trying to deal with your pain. As long as that thought doesn’t persist, I think it’s fine. Loss is hard and trying to keep it contained will only destroy you.” Luna comforted me.

  “Thank you.” I whispered in her, nuzzling my head into her the best that I could. It wasn’t like I could do it a whole lot, unfortunately.

  “Please do not keep your pain and thoughts all bottled up Nil. I will listen to whatever you want to tell me.” Luna added on, resuming her petting of my head.

  “I will. I… don’t know what to say right now. It… feels so raw.” I told her with the hope she understood.

  “That is okay; do not try to force yourself to feel better or act like you are fine.” Luna instructed me, wrapping around me a bit which felt nice.

  “If you insist.” I agreed, enjoying how warm Luna felt.

  “I will.” Luna shot back immediately.

  The two of us stayed like that in silence for a few minutes, simply enjoying each other’s company. I had no idea how to articulate what I was currently feeling; it was a horrific mix of guilt, sadness, and numbness. It was so difficult for me to express. Luna was hugging me as tight as she could, nuzzling my head aggressively. Her caring so much made it feel like less of a burden to bear, which I greatly appreciated. Wait. It was the perfect material for making the bracelet out of for her.

  My lips stretched into a small smile as I felt good about thinking of that idea. A bracelet that would last for an eternity and then some. There would be some logistical challenges in making said bracelet more than likely, but at least the idea was there. That thought hit my heart like a dagger. I really wished something could take my mind off of it for a few moments, but they were so ethereal, fleeting away only to be slammed back into the cold reality I would never be able to talk to them again. I knew Luna didn’t want me to hide from it; she wanted me to process and grieve it. Luna made me feel so much better. Before we could enjoy the moment much more, Krahinn stepped into the room out of thin air, looking at us.

  “You’re awake.” Krahinn quipped, like it was some grand revelation.

  “Yes.” I sighed at him. Krahinn cocked his head back and forth, looking at me a bit puzzled.

  “Did you need something, Krahinn?” Luna asked him as politely as she could.

  “I came to check on Nil and am now trying to figure out what happened with his and .” Krahinn answered. In a blink he was next to us; I could sense him, but I didn’t want to turn my head to face him. Wait, how did he know something was off with my ?

  “How do you know something is off with my ?” I probed, trying to figure out how he knew that.

  “Your has a certain feel to it, but when you use your it starts to possess a more domineering sensation that seems to have been amplified.” Krahinn lectured while I felt him meld with me to see through my eyes a little.

  “Does this have to be now; we were having a moment.” Luna sighed at him.

  “The moments we have are fleeting, and it is immensely important to understand what happened because is way off what it is supposed to be.” Krahinn shot back. Unfortunately, he likely wasn’t going to drop it until we humored him a bit.

  “What is so off?” I asked, wanting to move this conversation along.

  “Your . Your likely is a result of such prolonged, intense usage while being kept intact by False Immortal’s Serum. I imagine once you are fully healed your usage and ability to use them even passively will have been increased because you basically heavily worked out the based muscle of that . I expected the only upside of this disaster to have been that, but somehow, your has greatly increased. Not just a little, this was not some intense training or working out, your has nearly doubled.” Krahinn explained to us.

  “That doesn’t make sense!” Luna snapped at him. I didn't need to be looking at Krahinn to feel his stare.

  “Obviously, which is why I’m trying to figure out the mechanism that has caused this.” Krahinn mocked her.

  “There is no way Nil double his . He has been training it nearly nonstop almost since birth; there is no way at his age he should be able to increase it that much in the span of a few days.” Luna argued. She had a point, and it certainly didn’t feel like double.

  “My doesn’t feel doubled.” I added on, wanting Krahinn to just leave for now.

  “One, nearly double, not actually double since you two are being pedantic with me. Two, I guarantee it is nearly doubled by my sense, it just isn’t obvious yet because Nil there still hasn’t fully healed and a massive portion of his is trying to rebuild his body.” Krahinn informed us in an unamused tone.

  I confessed to Luna mentally.

  Luna replied with a bit of a sigh.

  “I will be on my merry way shortly you idiots. The only problem is I have absolutely no idea what could have caused this.” Krahinn interjected with his eyes glaring at us.

  “Some miracle?” Luna tried, hoping in vain Krahinn would accept such a desperate answer.

  “No, and it is important to understand the why because it might be repeatable.” Krahinn told her. I shivered at the prospect of training myself to the point my body shattered and eyes boiled again.

  “Do you have a starting guess?” I checked, hoping Krahinn at least had a vague sense of the why. I did not want to try and troubleshoot this multiple times either if Krahinn wanted to test it.

  “Unfortunately, no.” Krahinn confessed with what I imagined was a shrug by his tone.

  “A gift from the Lords.” Luna said sarcastically. I expected Luna to enjoy some ball time, but Krahinn froze instead.

  “You might actually be right, sort of. Nil has an from Lord Utol.” Krahinn replied.

  “Now that you owe me one, there was something I wanted to ask you.” Luna began, but I felt Krahinn use to leave before she talked much more.

  “Thank you for getting him to leave.” I thanked her, nestling in.

  “I imagine it only worked because he got something to check.” Luna admitted as she hugged me back into her.

  “I do appreciate you, and all the things you do for me.” I told her while leaning into her as much as I could.

  “I know you do. Relax Nil, we have many sad days ahead of us for now, unfortunately.” Luna sighed while resuming to pet my head.