Nil finally relaxed a little with his head in my lap after I had talked for a bit on the points of dating as nobility; I was gently petting Nil’s head as his face was steadily improving. Why did this get to him so badly? Something about using a less-than-reputable tactic completely took the wind out of his sails. I remembered the memory of his birth giver in the mall, so I knew this was a sore subject for him. Nil sighed heavily, settling some more into my lap. This was impacting him way more than I though it would.

  “Nil, did you want to talk about this?” I probed as I kept petting his head.

  “Talk about what? Someone has been going on about these new standards I need to reach.” Nil deflected. I poked his cheek as Nil averted his gaze.

  “Why you are mopey over a minor mistake, Nil. It’s okay if you don’t want to talk about it.” I clarified for him. Nil mulled it over for a few seconds.

  “I defaulted to using a tactic I hate. What if there are other things that my default will be what my past birth givers would do? I do not want to be remembered for being like them, nor do I want to act like them; I was willing to let that slide for the result I wanted rather than if there was an alternate method.” Nil explained. I had the feeling that there was a bit more based on his face.

  “Nil, it was a small mistake, don’t beat yourself up over it. No one is going to remember this nor is it going to be part of your legacy.” I assured him.

  “I know that it’s, it’s just… I don’t know.” Nil grumbled. I kept petting his head.

  “It’s okay Nil. Just take your time. You don’t always need to answer or act immediately. It’s okay to take a moment.” I told Nil which did little to improve his mood.

  “That doesn’t sound right.” Nil replied solemnly.

  “What’s wrong with taking a moment to think? To give yourself some seconds to articulate what you are thinking properly?” I inquired. Nil was always a bit impulsive or fast to act, but I just assumed it was him being impatient.

  “Because I needed to be fast. If I couldn’t leap into action I was lazy, if I didn’t know the answer I wasn’t prepared enough which after I would get yelled at. Or I would lose what little money I had access to so I couldn’t escape the house for a bit. My parents might ground me for weeks over the most trivial things.” Nil lamented. I stroked his horns gently as I mulled over how to ask my next question.

  “How often would they yell at you? Or guilt trip you? I’m just trying to make sure I have the right picture.” I checked after a few moments.

  “Yell, nearly all the time. My parents could not have a discussion that didn’t devolve into yelling. The guilt trips eventually faded as they lost their effectiveness, but my parents loved managing every aspect of my life as they controlled my money, access to information or documents I needed, and no one I knew was good enough to be friends with. It was so lonely and just felt like an abyss. I really didn’t have friends either as my social skills obviously suffered.” Nil explained. That was quite in line with the bits and pieces I knew; it probably was a miserable experience to endure.

  “You’re not that awkward Nil. You can be more confident in yourself, people like you, even when you are a massive nerd.” I teased him, hoping it would make him smile.

  “I am confident, just not when dealing with others. I don’t know what to do and just some part of me can’t escape that part of my past.” Nil snapped back. Okay, slightly different approach was needed.

  “I know you are confident. It’s okay. I’m sorry I teased you a little. That’s not your life anymore Nil. You are here in Tenebrae with me.” I replied as I calmly stroked his hair.

  “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have snapped like that.” Nil apologized sheepishly.

  “What is bothering you this much? Something is clearly eating at you.” I pressed. What was bugging him to this degree?

  “Didn’t you say as the Eternal Emperor I was quite a monster? The Void King is someone consumed by his own rage, what if I go down a similar path trying to fight him? I’m just scared that I will continue doing small things like this justifying them as needing to survive and it will just slip away well after it’s too late to try and go back.” Nil lamented while looking completely consumed with guilt as he was speaking.

  “The you that became the horrible Eternal Emperor was surrounded by death and tragedy where everything was against you. That’s not this you. Nil, that won’t happen. You won’t become like your past birth givers; you won’t turn into the Void King trying to fight him. It’ll be alright Nil.” I reassured him.

  “But I’ve lost. Every time apparently. How can it be alright?” Nil pointed out.

  “You have Krahinn helping you, which is a boon you haven’t had before. I know you have a lot on your shoulders, but I am next to you. We will find a way. Do not assume we’ve lost before the end.” I lectured Nil.

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  “Sorry I’m being like this.” Nil apologized.

  I gently readjusted us, slowly maneuvering Nil to be sitting against the wall. He obediently let me reposition him while he kept looking at me with puppy dog eyes. Nil was situated against the wall. I casually sat on his lap which made him blush a bit before I took his head and put it beneath mine. I hugged him into me, gently running my hand through his hair to push his head more into me. Nil wrapped his arms around me to hug himself in deeper. Nil leaned in more as he relaxed into me.

  “Having emotions is fine Nil. We do not need to be in a dire situation for you to express what you are feeling. Do not apologize for showing me your emotions.” I told him. Nil gently rubbed his head against me.

  “But today started so well with our date in the Imperial Botanical Garden and the fries were actually edible. We had such a fun time.” Nil pouted. I hugged him a bit tighter.

  “I enjoyed our date. I loved you made me fries. A day can be both happy and sad. Don’t beat yourself up so much for making mistakes. I dislike you are upset, but I like you are willing to open up with me like this. Your emotions are not a burden to me, Nil.” I comforted him.

  “Are you sure?” Nil checked as he leaned in more.

  “Yes, I’m sure.” I replied instantly.

  “Okay.” Nil acquiesced.

  We sat there, with Nil just snuggling into me; he was so warm as we sat in the music room. His past really tended to completely ruin his mood; I could see how he became the Eternal Emperor when I spent time with him like this. Nil had a lot of pain and hurt he never processed properly. I could only imagine when tragedy and death plagued him how bitter he became. Nil settled into me a bit more as we sat there. I knew Nil would support me unconditionally if I needed it. My dorky prince really tried to be so good for me.

  I asked, hoping she was free.

  Empress Senna checked, sounding slightly surprised to be hearing me.

  I requested. Even through I could feel her fight to contain her reaction.

  Empress Senna inquired as she kept her voice as neutral as possible, but it was still accusatory.

  I explained. Please just let us have this one.

  Empress Senna sighed. She clearly hoped Nil wouldn't get obsessive over his mistake, but that clearly didn't happen.

  I confirmed for her.

  Empress Senna permitted in a strict tone. I wasn't going to test my luck on this anyway, yet I knew Empress Senna was quite protective of her son.

  I replied. I could feel her return to whatever she was doing.

  I informed him, hoping he wasn't too busy. He should be doing his nightly security check at the moment.

  Dad checked. Nil using the law against him earlier was not going to be doing any favors right now.

  I stated. I was surprised he didn’t materialize in the music room after I said that.

  Dad pressed. His tone made it obvious that I needed to phrase my answer carefully.

  I explained. I could feel my dad let out a heavy sigh.

  Dad double checked.

  I assured him. I knew for a fact the two would check in with each other to verify that.

  Dad probed in a bit of a joking tone.

  I defended him.

  Dad asked, sounding a little disappointed on the matter.

  I pleaded with him.

  Dad replied with a small sigh.

  I added on.

  Dad stated before resuming his nightly security check.

  “Come on Nil, play me a few songs so you didn’t lie earlier, then we can go to bed.” I prodded him.

  “Okay.” Nil sighed, looking immensely upset by that.

  “Why are you frowning? You love playing the piano for me.” I asked, hugging him tighter.

  “It’s nothing.” Nil deflected, looking a bit ashamed.

  “Do you think I want to go to sleep so you stop bothering me?” I checked. His face was all the answer I needed. Expressing his thoughts properly was already a task, I could only imagine how difficult getting him to express his emotions well would be. I was still happy he opened up like this with me, even if it was only a little.

  “I already got permission from both our parents so we can cuddle tonight, you just need to play me some songs first so we did what you told my dad.” I informed him. Nil hugged me a lot tighter as he let out a few happy little sobs as I stroked his hair some more.

  “Okay. Time for some songs.” Nil declared as he waited for me to move a little.

  I shifted back so he could stand up without scraping me with his horns. Nil used to bring us both to his piano where he immediately began playing me songs from Temple. To my surprise, Nil played several songs for me rather than just a few as his face looked a lot better than earlier. Nil ended with the song “Warmth of the Lords” which is what he told me I love you when playing. I poked his cheek as he was playing the finishing notes of the song. Almost upon hitting the final note he used to bring us to his bed where he immediately wrapped around me tight. I pulled up the blanket of the and settled into Nil’s embrace as we both drifted off.