Chapter Fourteen

  I was still grieving, when I heard a voice behind me sneering: "You're already someone else's, it's pointless to be sad!" I turned my head and saw that it was Thirteen, with a lazy smile on his face as he looked at me, the big black horse following closely behind him.

  I looked at his expression, somewhat angry, although I knew he must have thought of it again, but also didn't bother to explain. My mouth only faintly said: "Each other! Each other!" After finishing, I turned back and continued on my way.

  He heard this and his face was a bit stunned. After thinking for a moment, he suddenly reacted and followed me with a big laugh. I heard him laughing strangely and couldn't help but stop. He walked in front of me, still laughing loudly, and pointed at me saying: "I knew it! Just now in the account you were so good-tempered, originally... originally you thought I had taken a liking to someone!" After that, he burst into another fit of loud laughter.

  I was initially annoyed by his inexplicable laughter. At this time, after hearing what he said, I felt a bit bewildered in my heart, and gradually came to my senses, also finding it laughable. Thinking again about his misunderstanding of me, I found it even more laughable, and couldn't help but burst out laughing along with him.

  The two of us laughed at each other for a while, then gradually stopped. But still smiled at each other. After this laugh, the little hostility between them seemed to slowly dissipate. I took a step forward, and he also walked slowly beside me, with that big black horse following behind us.

  As I walked, I still couldn't help but think that such a ridiculous thing could happen. With a smile on my face, I couldn't resist saying to him: "I don't like the tenth brother either." He was taken aback, stopped in his tracks, and looked at me with a serious expression. Then he couldn't help but burst out laughing again, while I smiled and watched him from the side. After finishing laughing, he sighed and said: "We're even!"

  Two people walked to a slightly higher earth slope. I picked up a slightly flat place and sat down. With both hands holding my knees, I looked at the distant horse racing field. He also sat beside me, following my gaze towards those vague people and horses. A big black horse stopped randomly beside us, its hooves scratching the ground.

  The two of us were silent for a long time, and I couldn't help but be curious, so I asked: "Why were you sad that night?" He stared at the distance for half a day without making a sound. I waited for a while, then said softly: "If it's difficult to say, then don't say it." He was silent again for a moment, then said: "Actually, there's nothing much to say. That day was my mother's death anniversary."

  I let out an "ah" and turned my head to look at him, for a moment not knowing what to say, so I could only turn my head back to gaze silently into the distance. After a while, he forced a smile and said: "On this very day many years ago, Mother married Father."

  I couldn't help but feel a deep sorrow in my heart after listening. A woman had thus spent her entire life. Now, I'm afraid that except for her son, there's no one else who remembers when she got married with a beautiful face like a flower, and when she left during the prime of her youth. And the person who should have remembered all this couldn't possibly recall when he lifted the red veil to reveal a jade-like lovely face because he was too rich and had four seas.

  Thinking of the big wedding day of tenth brother, thirteen faces a hall full of dazzling red, but in her heart is a vast and painful white. Indeed, how can emotions bear it! The slight dissatisfaction in her heart due to his rudeness that day completely disappeared. Only infinite sympathy remains.

  The two of us sat quietly for a while. He turned to me with a smile and asked, "You don't like Shige, so why did I see you singing a song for him? And why does everyone say you're crazy about him?" I tilted my head and thought for a moment before asking, "Do you know what the Red Nun was doing when she first met the Whiskered Guest?" He hesitated slightly before slowly responding, "The Red Nun was combing her hair!" I smiled and said, "Men and women can be like the Whiskered Guest and the Red Nun! They care for each other, but it's not about romance, only true feelings!" His expression changed as he listened to this, and he gazed at me intently. After a while, he said, "What a wonderful phrase, 'not about romance, only true feelings'!" I saw that he understood my meaning and felt happy, because in ancient times, equal friendships between men and women were rare, and most people probably couldn't accept it. The two of us couldn't help but exchange a smile.

  I see the people in the distance seem to be preparing to leave. I stood up and said, "It's time to go back!" He stood up with me, suddenly asked: "How about going for a few drinks?" I looked at him in surprise, he smiled warmly at me. My heart also warmed up, and I said with a smile: "What's wrong with that?" He looked at the horse and asked: "Ride together on one horse?" I smiled and said: "Not the first time!"

  He burst out laughing and mounted his horse first, then pulled me up onto the horse, letting me sit behind him. With a shout of "Giddyup!", the two of us galloped off.

  ――――――――――――――――

  That evening, when Thirteen sent me back to the Belle Estate, the sky had already darkened. Although Thirteen had slowed down the horse's pace, I was still wearing a cloak he had brought for me, yet I still felt somewhat chilly. After helping me dismount, I said: "You go first!" He thought for a moment and said: "I'd better clarify things with Eighth Brother myself." I smiled and said: "They won't do anything to me. Sister won't let them." He smiled but didn't respond, instead walking forward to knock on the door ring.

  I saw him insist on it, so I just went along with him. The door opened quickly. Two doormen saw me and the 13th brother standing in front of the door, and they hastily asked for permission to rise. The 13th brother said lightly: "Get up! Go tell the Beile master that I've arrived!" One of the doormen immediately ran off, while the other closed the door and led the 13th brother to the front hall. I nodded at the 13th brother and returned to my sister's room on my own.

  When I returned to the house, all the other maids were not there, only Qiao Hui accompanied me. My sister's face was pale, looking at me and saying: "You should still remember what I said 'only this once, no next time'." I stood there, not knowing how to respond for a moment. Going out to play with friends on a whim is something I often do in modern times. But in ancient times, such a trivial matter actually caused such a big reaction from the people around me. I couldn't help but sigh again and again.

  I stood silently because I felt that there was no way for me to communicate with my sister about this matter, we have a gap of over 300 years. My sister also looked at me with a helpless and sad face.

  She stood silently for half a day, and my older sister finally waved her hand wearily and said: "Go down!" I looked at her expression, and my heart felt very uncomfortable too. But I really didn't think I had done anything wrong. Here, I have already lost many things, and I don't want to be deprived of the right to make friends with others, even if it hurts my sister's feelings. In the end, I could only silently turn around and go back to my room.

  ――――――――――――――――――――

  When I woke up in the morning, it was already late. I still lay in bed and didn't want to get up. My eyes stared at the top of the canopy, thinking about what happened outside with Thirteen last night...

  He rode his horse, wandering back and forth in the quiet alley, finally stopping in front of a delicate siheyuan gate. The old servant who opened the door saw him and hurried to greet him, smiling and saying: "Thirteen Master, why didn't you send someone to inform us first? Miss is currently receiving guests! I'll go and report to her immediately, let her hurry up and finish with them." Thirteen said: "No need, today we just borrowed your place to drink some wine with friends, just prepare a table of wine and dishes!" The old woman secretly glanced at me, seeing my elegant clothes, and quickly lowered her head in response.

  Thirteen was very familiar with this siheyuan, leading me into a room that was decorated in an extremely simple and elegant style. The room had only a few pieces of huanghuali wood furniture, with no other decorations to be seen, except for a white porcelain vase on the windowsill with a few stalks of green bamboo casually inserted into it. I looked around the room, and then sat down with Thirteen. He smiled and asked, "Do you know the lady of the house?" He smiled and said, "When I'm feeling frustrated, I often come here to drink a few cups of wine and chat with her." I nodded, thinking that the girl who lived here must be a high-class courtesan, someone that ordinary people would never get to meet.

  Before long, the old woman brought in two maids with wine and dishes. After everything was set out properly, they withdrew. Then, I and Thirteen began to drink and eat.

  After a few cups of wine, the two men gradually became more talkative. From trivial matters in the palace to interesting stories from ancient and modern times, from the vast deserts of the north to the misty rain of Jiangnan, from discussing poetry about mountains and rivers to talking about sages past and present. In the end, they discovered that both were admirers of Ji Kang and Ruan Ji, already feeling a deep connection, now even more so, regretting not having met earlier. My heart was even more excited than ever.

  In the thousands of years of ideological and cultural development in China, the Three Cardinal Guides and Five Constant Virtues of Confucianism are like a huge net that tightly binds independent individuals to the political and cultural hegemony centered on imperial power, thus unable to develop complete individualism. However, Ji Kang, who lived in a chaotic era, can be said to be an exception, like a flash of lightning illuminating the dark night sky, brief but brilliant. In his famous work "Letter to Shan Juyuan Breaking Off Relations", he expounded on his belief that human nature is truly equal. He "did not follow Tang or Wu, but was thin on Zhou and Confucius", believing that the sages revered by Confucianism were only a class of people's values, and should not be required to be emulated by all. The happiness of individuals can only be understood by themselves, and individuals have the right to pursue their own recognized happiness. It can be said that Ji Kang's ideas and modern society's equality, freedom, and individualism have many commonalities.

  I had long known that Thirteen was unconventional, but I never expected him to admire Ji Kang, especially as a member of the royal family at the pinnacle of the ruling class. This unexpected delight from heaven and the feeling that someone in this ancient society finally understood my innermost thoughts made me ecstatic, and I couldn't help but engage in lofty discussions. He probably didn't expect to meet a woman like me in an era dominated by Confucian culture, where even men rarely dared to question Confucian thought. With three parts surprise, three parts admiration, and three parts joy, he chatted with me enthusiastically.

  I still remember when I was getting excited, I held up my wine cup and said: "Actually, there's another very important reason why I like Ji Kang so much." He thought I had some extraordinary theory, and he listened intently. With a smile on my face and half-closed eyes, I said: "In ancient Chinese history, there were many beautiful men, such as Song Yu and Pan An, but they all had a hint of feminine beauty. But Ji Kang was different, he was masculine, healthy, like a tall and straight fir tree under the golden sunlight." After finishing speaking, I couldn't help but let out a deep sigh, with an expression of infinite longing. The more 13 heard, the wider his eyes became, and after listening to me finish, he looked at my expression for half a day without making a sound, finally sighing: "A true elegant scholar is indeed carefree!"

  It's undeniable that when I first started interacting with the Thirteenth, I had ulterior motives. After all, on the surface, I was on the side of the Eighth Master, and my sister was even the concubine of the Eighth Prince, while in reality, it was the Fourth Master and the Thirteenth who ultimately won this war. Although I couldn't change history, I could try to leave a way out for myself. However, after our later heartfelt conversations, I really came to think that he was my kindred spirit. Who here would believe that everyone is born equal in essence? Who would believe that even the emperor has no right to make everyone follow his orders? Although the Thirteenth only questioned and doubted the existing cultural system because of his admiration for Ji Kang, it was already enough to surprise me.

  Still indulging in the joy of finding a kindred spirit last night, the maid outside called out: "Miss, the Beilei master has sent someone to summon you." As soon as I heard this, I hastily sat up, feeling somewhat anxious. After tidying myself up, I followed the eunuch waiting outside.

  Arriving at the study door, Li Fu stood at the entrance, pushed open the door for me and let me in. He stayed outside and closed the door. With a "click" of the closing sound, my heart which had been calm for half a day finally started racing wildly.

  Eighth Brother stood in a moon-white long gown, standing beside a half-person-high celadon vase, with over ten scrolls of calligraphy and painting inserted casually inside the vase. Hearing me come in, he didn't react, still looking out the window with an elegant posture. From my angle, I could only see his profile. The sunlight passing through the six-sided lattice window shone on his face, mottled and unclear, unable to discern his expression.

  I don't know what Thirteen said last night, nor do I know what he's thinking in his heart. I didn't dare to make a sound and could only stand still at the door. After half a day, he turned around, with a smile on his face, and asked: "What did you do with Thirteen yesterday?" I thought for a moment and asked: "Didn't Thirteen tell you?" He said: "I'm asking you now!" My heart was in disarray, but after careful consideration, I felt that although yesterday's actions were somewhat out of line, there was nothing that couldn't be spoken of to others. So, I calmly gazed into his eyes and said: "Thirteen took me to a place to drink wine."

  He listened to my words without any reaction, still with that eternal smile on his face, only his eyes fixed on mine, as if trying to see through them directly into the depths of my heart. I calmly met his gaze for a while, but eventually felt a bit embarrassed and had to turn back, pretending to look for a seat to sit down, walking out of his line of sight. As soon as I sat down, he said in a low voice: "Come here!" I looked up at him with a questioning expression, and he smiled warmly, still speaking softly: "Come here!"

  I was certain he was serious, so I slowly stood up, hung my head in shame, and shuffled over to him. When I got within three steps of him, I stopped and looked down at the water-milled stone floor beneath my feet.

  He let out a barely audible sigh and said softly, "Am I that scary?" As he spoke, he took two steps closer.

  I found that every time I stood close to him, I felt a sense of oppression and my heart was racing. My mind was completely muddled and I couldn't think clearly. He gently grasped my hand, and I instinctively pulled it back. He tightened his grip and said, "Don't move!" From his pocket, he took out a crystal green jade bangle with a thin red line resembling blood in the middle and put it on my wrist.

  The ring was a bit tight, and when he put it on me, I felt some pain and furrowed my brow. He comforted me, saying "Bear with it for a moment, it'll be fine soon." He slowly pushed the ring onto my wrist, then held my hand, looked at it a few times, and let go of me to walk back to his seat by the table. As he distanced himself from me, I felt my mind clear up again. I started thinking, what's going on here? Didn't I come here for a lecture? Just as I was pondering this, I heard him say in a gentle voice, "The Minister of Justice, Yao, is still coming over. You can go back first!"

  I let out a dazed "oh!" and did a hasty bow before rushing out. Li Fu, who was waiting outside the door, hastily bowed to greet me, but I was too preoccupied with my own thoughts to pay him any mind and just left.

  After I got back, my sister saw that I was dazed and probably thought that I had been lectured by Eighth Brother. She smiled slightly and said faintly: "It's time to set some rules." I didn't make a sound and went back to my own room.

  At dinner that night, my sister saw the bangle on my wrist and was taken aback. "Where did it come from?" she asked. I was startled and didn't know how to respond. Just as I was at a loss for words, my sister nodded and said, "Thirteen Brother is really generous! This is a rare Phoenix Blood Jade." It seems that my sister had misunderstood. Anyway, I couldn't explain the situation, so I just let Thirteen take the credit.

  After finishing the meal, I had drunk half a cup of tea. My sister suddenly said: "Since some things are fundamentally beyond our control, it's better to never think about them." I held my tea and was stunned, thinking for a long time, not knowing how to respond. In the end, I replied vaguely: "I will take good care of myself."