I wandered the bright streets without awareness of my surroundings. In my mind I wasn’t really thinking of anything. I wasn’t feeling anything either. The best way to describe the feeling would be an animal, or possibly even a robot. Merely reacting to the environment without thinking.

  The time was around 2 o'clock considering I left the school around lunchtime. The sun was out and it was unusually warm, and bright. I felt like an outlier amongst everything.

  I was the single dot of dark in a field of bright warm light, or a blemish.

  I felt unusually calm wandering the streets, unafraid of anything I might encounter. However there was one thing that surprised me.

  I made my way to a park with only a thought of sitting. Surprisingly there was somebody waiting for me.

  Swinging happily in the park was a little kid with white hair. A God.

  “Weeeee.” The white haired god cheered while swinging.

  “What are you doing?” I asked.

  “Is it that unusual for a kid to use a swing?” Godfrey responded without hesitation.

  “It is not, but you are a god not a child.” I responded.

  “Don’t you remember that I am only something close to a god. However, I am also a child.” Godfrey responded in a childish tone.

  “How does that work?” I asked while not even curious.

  “The difference between a cost and a path are not that different.” Godfrey responded.

  “What is that supposed to mean?” I asked now curious.

  “You should find that out yourself.” He responded with a childish smile.

  “Well what do you want from me?” I asked.

  “What do you mean?” He asked poorly hiding his lie.

  “You wouldn’t come to me for no reason.” I responded to him.

  “Well I came to get the answer from last time,” he said, “Who are you?” I suddenly remembered the question, but who was I?

  “You mean our first encounter.” I responded.

  “So you found out.” Godfrey said like he made a tiny mistake. What this was referring to was the glimpse of white hair that I found. It ultimately led me to find Kaede and resulted in telling her part of my secret.

  I had to consider that everything this child did was to come to some result. Then I was reminded of the first question he answered for me. He wanted to lead me to some result through those questions. He also led me to the situation with Kaede. What did he want?

  “Who are you?” Godfrey repeated.

  “I am evil, I have even killed. And my only use is as a tool.” These were what I truly thought of myself.

  Suddenly Godfrey’s childish smile grew disfigured with the edges of his mouth going all the way to his ears. A smile even more devilish than my own, perhaps capable only by a god, or the devil.

  The shock that came from this pushed my thoughts and doubts.

  Evil?

  The author's content has been appropriated; report any instances of this story on Amazon.

  Killed?

  Tool?

  Perhaps I was bad but was I really evil?

  I killed her but…

  Is my only use really as a tool?

  Self doubt only filled me more, until I finally realized.

  “You wanted this.” I said to Godfrey.

  “Now that it has happened, you can’t stop it though.” He responded arrogantly.

  “I guess that is enough.” I replied, because I didn’t disagree with him. He realized my flaw and used it to erase itself, how skilled was this child.

  “Looks like you know everything as well.” Godfrey said happily, without the grin.

  “Yeah, a simple grin was able to change it all, huh.” I said.

  “It’s no different with you.” He replied. Could my grin have this much effect too?

  “Doesn’t exactly fix things now though, it might even make it worse” My response suddenly made things dull.

  “The difference between a cost and a path are not that different.” He repeated his previous words.

  I left shortly after wishing to beat down the childish god, but part of me also respected him.

  He knew what I thought of myself, then he made me doubt myself through his grin. The final result was that I could not trust Godfrey no matter what. However, what would that do? Make me rely on myself.

  Another sudden realization came upon me.

  Was this the barrier that was holding me back? If it was then would I finally be able to see it? I rushed through alleys and roads trying to find any place I knew. I could then use it to find my way home. Or even better to the closest mirror.

  It took me half an hour to finally find something. The coffee shop.

  I walked inside without hesitation. I already knew there were no mirrors in the shop but they had to have one somewhere.

  I rushed inside to find it filled with several people. My sudden action of opening the door caught their attention.

  I ignored it and walked to the counter where Mr. Drake was tending.

  “Mirror, please I need a mirror now.” I said desperately.

  “Azure, your face looks fine. More importantly, the rumors spreading around the school..” He started but I interrupted.

  “Not more important, I need a mirror.” I almost yelled. My voice shocked him, he looked at my eyes for a second and then left for the back room.

  My heart rate increased, would I finally know?

  “Azure.” A very shy voice caught my attention.

  “Kaede.” I answered as soon as I saw her then said coldly, “What do you want?” There was something much more important than talking to her.

  “I am sorry. I ignored you without thinking about how you would feel or the circumstances of what happened to you.” She said, obviously fighting her own fear of me.

  “You know the circumstances?” I asked fiercely.

  “No, it's just that I think you wouldn’t do something like that otherwise.” She replied.

  “Is that not dangerous, you don’t know anything so aren’t I a killer.” I answered.

  “I want to trust you?” She replied, nearly falling into tears.

  “So if there aren’t any circumstances you would run away again.” I said, spiteful.

  Kaede did not reply to this.

  “Make no mistake, I killed her.” I said, however inside I was still unstable.

  “NO, I MUST TRUST IN YOU.” Kaede nearly yelled at herself. This girl’s willpower must be too much.

  “Please tell me what happened?” Kaede asked.

  “And why should I do that?” I responded.

  Then Mr. Drake came out of the backroom shaking his head. That was my signal to run.

  I stood up and quickly walked out of the door. It took ten minutes of sprinting to get to my house. My breath was ragged, and my limbs tight and burning, however with no hesitation I unlocked and opened the door. I didn’t even take off my shoes and continued running.

  I only noticed Kaede when she said, “Cold.”

  ‘“What are you doing? Never mind..” I said, but soon gave up and continued running.

  “What makes you this desperate? To make you go this far?” Kaede asked, but I still ignored her.

  My leg hit the side of a corner while turning and I fell to the ground. The pain was intense but still less important. I tried to get up but was only able to limp.

  It did not stop me and I struggled my way to that room, with that mirror.

  The standing mirror was in view, but I suddenly tripped over a raised step.

  “Are you okay?” Kaede asked quickly.

  Once again I ignored her and rapidly crawled over to the mirror. I was able to raise myself to my knees in front of the mirror.

  “What do you see?” Kaede asked once again. She noticed what I did not, the tears running down my cold face.

  {I killed my Mother}